In Which I Talk About Comics

Riddler is the best

2011-11-06T05:53:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I physically recoiled when I saw this wall of text staring at me. Then I was like, "...is this Bendis?" Yes. Yes it is.

THIS BEAR WILL HAUNT MY NIGHTMARES FOREVER OMGOMG

This is my favourite issue of Gotham City Sirens because Riddler is nonstop awesome, but I really like this panel because HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Sure, he saved the girl from an explosion and then he kept the bad guys talking (except...I'm pretty sure he would have done that anyway since he was pretty much talking about how smart he was) and then Batman came in and apprehended the killers.

And he totally does have a Batsignal in his cane.

PACK ATTACK

2011-10-10T15:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Gurihiru: please draw Katie Power all the time. Thank you.

Yeah okay, Julie. When has talking it out with the villains EVER worked?

Katie Power is adorable yes, but I think the best part of this is their mom's expression. She's obviously enchanted by the Katie cuteness, but she's also kind of like, "why the fuck is my kid doing this right now?"

They even sort of have matching outfits

2011-10-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading New Avengers and there's this page with a crapload of Marvel characters and I'm squeeing over my favourites: "Thor! Herc! Howard the Duck???"

There is nothing about Luke Cage's solo series from the 70s that I don't love. NOTHING.

I have a somewhat shameful secret: I totally ship Wildcat and Catwoman.

I wasn't even aware they knew each other until this JSA comic where Ted gets beaten up and Catwoman nurses him back to health. Apparently he trained her (something else I noticed: does Ted exclusively train attractive vigilante women?) and they're buddies (he shows up in Gotham City Sirens and they spar). Anyway, after this issue, I was totally sold on the match. They evidently like each other, they're both rough around the edges, he's still totally smokin' for a, what 60 year old man? Plus they both have a cat motif. It's a match made in heaven, I'm telling you. I think they're so cute together. Plus, I already HARDCORE ship Batman/Wonder Woman and this very conveniently removes Catwoman from the picture. Much like my Batman/Wonder Woman ship, I don't have a WHOLE lot of basis for the match, but it just seems right to me, somehow.

ETA: Possible Wildcat/Catwoman phone sex. I want this ship to be canon so bad.

The universe can't handle the awesomeness of a Katie Power/Shulkie teamup

2011-10-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

This is the most gratuitous Booster ass shot I have ever seen.

No matter what comic he's in, Booster always has the most lovingly detailed rear. I think only Nightwing beats him in the sheer number of butt shots.

Can these two team up forever please? Thank you.

Jay's my favourite JSA member. He's like an awesome and yet amusingly embarrassing grandpa. And his hat is the best.

Marvel actually has quite a few French characters

2011-10-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

I read Agent X back before I knew who Batroc was and this apparently made no impression on me because I totally forgot about it. But now that I can appreciate how amazi

ng these panels are...can we speculate on the mother of Batroc's daughter?? She has an accent so the mother is probably French. I'm blanking on any French Marvel characters. Damn.

I also find it strangely sweet that Tasky has respect for Batroc.

ETA: Things I learned from the Marvel wiki: Batroc can apparently lift 500 pounds. He also sometimes leads a group called "Batroc's Brigade." That is awesome.

ETA2: This is my pick for the mother of Batroc's children: Marie-Ange Colbert. My reasons:

-She is French.

-She is described as being good at heart, which Batroc is too.

That's pretty much it. But now that I've made the decision, I will defend it.

That's actually a really good point. Couple of things:

1. I reeeeally hate that Taskmaste costume. It's like some unholy bastard child of Robin Hood, a pirate, and Jack Skellington.

2. What is Tasky doing? Checking out his manicure?

3. I thought Butterball was so interesting and I wished he could have stuck around longer (although I do concede that perhaps superhero boot camp wasn't the best place for him). He would probably have been the Initiative's best asset - he literally cannot be harmed - except his invulnerability doesn't automatically make him a good or strong fighter. Usually if someone is invulnerable they are automatically strong and good fighters but if you really think about it, the two don't necessarily go together.

And now for something completely different:

I originally saved this as "kory no pants" and I assume I was going to talk about how Kory decided to cover up for the meeting with Lobo and ended up covering NOTHING but there is so much more interesting shit happening on the left side of the panel. Lobo. In a bishop's hat. Sitting on a throne. Conversing with a gigantic grasshopper while a talking dolphin floats nearby. There is NOTHING about that scene that is not awesome. NOTHING. I halfway think Grant Morrison (I think this was the part of 52 he wrote) was tripping when he came up with the concept and maybe while he pitched it to DC as well. "No seriously, guys. Lobo has taken a vow of pacifism. He's worshipped by these giant insects and shit, and a space dolphin is his advisor! And like, Kory and Buddy and Adam Strange do some stuff too. Kory is mostly pantsless" and DC was too intimidated by his popularity to argue so they're like, "hey, whatevs. Just as long as it comes out on time." And voila. I was less than interested in the Kory/Buddy/Adam storyline until they met Lobo.

I prefer his assless chaps

2011-09-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

This is from Gotham City Sirens. The girls have just set Riddler up to get torn apart by animals commanded by Dr. Aesop (which, worst name/gimmick EVER. Seriously). I felt pretty bad for the Riddler here since he was doing the girls a favour in the first place, until I read Catwoman: When in Rome, where he drugged Catwoman so she would let Batman's identity slip. So, I don't feel as bad now.

Okay, maybe a little bad. I love him a lot as a reformed villain. He's like a morally ambiguous version of the Question.

Oh GUY.

What I enjoy about Guy's short-lived Punisher-esque phase is that HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE THOSE GUNS. So what was going through his mind when he decided to get them? "Oh, I'll just figure it out as I go along"? Because that worked out so well.

Also, I miss his hooker sidekick. He randomly started talking to her about his fears and insecurities and then she just kind of...followed him around. She never did anything. She was just kind of there. I loved her. Her presence made no sense.

Detective Chimp needs to be in more stuff because I think I'm in love with him.

I...um...what? Did they just throw a Life on Mars reference into Blue Beetle? Yes they did.

Vic is alive in my mind, along with Barda and Ted and Luke's old wardrobe

2011-09-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

Much like a lot of stuff with Lobo, I feel kind of bad for laughing at this, but come on.

Okay, I love the Black Marvel family (at least until SPOILER Isis and Osiris get killed by Sobek the talking crocodile and Adam goes on a bloody rampage). As said before, I'm a sucker for bad people who get redeemed through the power of love. I SHOULD think this proposal is sweet but HOLY CRAP WHAT'S UP WITH HIS SMILE??? I hope it's the artist's intention to make it as damn creepy as possible, because holy crap.

PS: The main reasons I was reading 52 were a) Booster Gold, b) the Black Marvel storyline, and c) The extreme awesomeness of Vic Sage. As of issue 45 or so, Booster only shows up sporadically; two thirds of the Black Marvel family are dead, the third is killing people willy nilly in a bloodlust fuelled rage, and Sobek the talking crocodile - formerly my favourite character - is crazy evil; and Vic is dead! So I've kind of slacked off in reading 52. Not even Lobo as a space-priest with a space dolphin sidekick can keep me reading. Plus there's the fact that at any given moment I have no damn idea what is going on or why everything is related. I had the same problem with Trinity, except the Dreambound, Gangbuster, and Hawkman were sufficiently awesome to keep me reading.

Yes, Canada needs superheroes because YOU KILLED ALPHA FLIGHT OFF PANEL, BENDIS! Dammit.

As a side note, how AWESOME would it be if Luke and Jess relocated to Toronto permanently and fought crime there? Rhetorical question: it would be super awesome. Squirrel Girl could join them as a live in nanny and maybe Iron Fist could branch out his business internationally and move to Toronto. Maybe the Daughters of the Dragon could join them, restart their PI business, taking Jess on as a partner. Best comic ever.

They join Shulkie/Aquaman on my list of ships that will never happen

2011-08-29T21:09:00.000-07:00

This is hands down my favourite panel of 52 ever, and this is a comic that has Lobo followed around by a space dolphin. I cannot tell you how much I wish I had the opportunity in real life to hear "This is Sobek, the talking crocodile. He's my best friend." Brilliant. I also appreciate Gar's and Raven's shocked looks. You'd think with all the crap they've seen, a talking crocodile would be nothing to them.

I love love love the Black Marvel family and I absolutely cannot explain why. I think I'm just a sucker for bad people redeeming themselves, especially if it involves the power of love.

Background: the Avengers go to the ghetto and just stand there, and everyone's like, "wtf?" Luke explains for the cameras that sometimes police will send squads to bad neighbourhoods and just kind of stand around in order to scare off thugs, and this is what they're doing. I love the dramatic leadup and then the kind of anti-climactic conclusion to his speech though: "We are going to come to your neighbourhood! And we are just going to stand there!" Luke, that doesn't sound as epic as you think it does.

I confess, for a split second when that chick on the left mentions setting Dick up with a Tabitha, I had a brief moment of "BOOM BOOM???" I now ship those two, FYI. So wrong, and yet SO AWESOME.

Doom seems to have quite a few weaknesses

2011-08-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

Some people realize just a little too late that maybe capes aren't the best plan:

I always like when Doom tries and fails to retain his dignity.

There are three things I love about Mr. Miracle's series:

1. Barda

2. The relationship between Barda and Scott, and

3. How every character narrates their every thought and action.

Moving on:

Oh NAMOR. You big romantic softie.

POWER PACK

2011-08-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

I used to be really into Marvel when I first started reading comics, but I've been into DC almost exclusively for a pretty long time. My favourite comics are those with strong female characters, of which DC has many and Marvel doesn't. Recently I thought to myself, "what did I ever see in Marvel? There aren't that many characters I even like." Then I read Power Pack, and all became clear: Marvel is home to Katie Power. And Katie Power is awesome.

Katie's power is the absorption of energy which she can then attack others with. In one issue, the Power Pack team up with Iron Man and occasionally Rhodey to take down a bunch of old Iron Man suits that come to life in a museum through the machinations of the Puppeteer. They're doing okay with the older costumes, but the newer costumes are proving to be a bit of a problem. There are sensors on the wall in case of theft: if you touch one, you get a blast of 10 000 volts (which, sure: I'M GONNA GO UP AND TOUCH THE SENSORS ON THE WALL). Katie decides to absorb the power these sensors provide:

And singlehandedly destroys like ten Iron Man costumes. She's the strongest member of the Power Pack AND SHE KNOWS IT.

In Thor and the Warriors Four, the Pack go to Asgard and meet up with Thor and Beta Ray Bill. Katie immediately takes a shine to Bill and he doesn't really know how to handle it.

I remember seeing the first panel where she asks if he wants a bite of her carrot (she thinks he's a horse) but it took me forever to notice the second panel, WHERE HE ACTUALLY EATS THE CARROT.

There can never be enough of Katie Power being held by other superheroes. So cute.

And then he gets blasted by Katie Power, who is sick of this shit.

As a side note, I'm loving that they put him in his new costume. They don't use that costume enough, methinks.

I want these two to team up forever. How awesome would that be? Super awesome.

Party at the Frees

2011-08-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

Guys. Mr. Miracle's solo series is AMAZING. Admittedly, I only really like it when Barda's there, but she's in almost every issue so the point is moot. Vol. 1, written by Jack Kirby is great of course, but the nice thing about Mr. Miracle is that as far as I can tell (I haven't read much beyond the Kirby run) is that it retains the original characterization and quality. Take this issue by Doug Moench, in which Barda throws a party, which is as awesome as it sounds:

Things I love about this: 1) J'onn's civvies. 2) Ted uses his millions to buy designer lampshades for the purpose of partying. 3) Kil is confused about party lingo (and who is he talking to?). 4) Is Oberon hitting on Fire? That's the most random pairing I've seen since I read a JSA comic with Wildcat and Catwoman and started shipping them.

I'm not totally sure why, but Kilowog and Ted on the right there crack me up EVERY time. I think it's because everyone else is having a laid back evening chatting about stuff, while Ted just desperately wants to be at a rowdy party. Also, J'onn surrounded by women reminds me of the part in Formerly Known As the Justice League where Batman jokes that "Martian pheromones. The women go absolutely wild."

It's not a party until two feral Mr. Miracles with a hate-on for the JLA show up.

The party parts are amazing enough, but we're not even getting into the actual plot, which involves an Albanian noodle monster (EXACTLY what it sounds like) turning Mr. Miracle and his protege/mentee/not sure, Shilo, into feral monsters. Barda turns Scott back into himself by threatening to divorce him, but this still leaves the matter of the noodle monster. Guy, Ice, and Fire take care of him by, well...

For some reason "I should be al dente!" makes me laugh so hard. I'm not sure which my favourite villain solution is: this, or when Deadpool defeated Tasky by dancing.

Oh, and:

Next time I go to the Dance Cave, I'm going to do this move while shouting "Now you're doing the Blue Beetle Bump!" Trust me, that's not going to be the weirdest thing that ever happened at the Dance Cave.

I've never really looked at the background in any depth, but now that I have there are some things I like. Kilowog is apparently slow dancing with Mama Mound while everyone is dancing to what seems to be an upbeat song, that guy who I'm assuming is a New God over to the left, J'onn dancing by himself, and Guy making a platform appear for no other reason than that he probably just wants to be above everyone else, because that's the kind of amusing jerk that he is.

I've played piano for close to 15 years, and I have never seen that music symbol in the middle there that looks like it's a Chinese symbol. I'm going to assume that's some kind of Apokalips musical notation.

Marvel Mania

2011-07-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a ton of DC lately and devoting most of the blog to it, so I thought I would turn my attention to Marvel today.

Jessica's a BAMF. She needs to show up in more things. There's something very interesting and unique about a character who has superpowers and yet refuses to use them most of the time. Most superheroes suddenly KNOW how to fight and are good at it, but Jessica never was, really. I like how her series deals with her kind of trying to find her place in the world if she has no aptitude for fighting crime. I also like that she will still kick ass if necessary. Also, I kind of just realized how stupid most of Marvel's villains look. Kang's a tiny bit less weird looking then Galactus, but not by much.

Luke uses some...interesting terms for the FF. Also, this is part of the best storyline in comics history, where Doc Doom skips town without paying Luke for a job, and Luke breaks into the Baxter Building, fights the FF, and takes one of their jets that he magically knows how to fly and goes to Latveria to get his 200 bucks. Power Man may not be the best comic ever made, but if I was stuck on a desert island and had to pick one comic, that would be the one.

Allegedly Mandarin is a pretty strong foe, and a formidable enemy for (I believe) Iron Man, but that doesn't stop him from looking ridiculous. He's like Mr. Miyagi dressed in an ornamental kimono floating in the air for no apparent reason.

Guy/Ice OTP

2011-07-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

I can only hope to write a headline as stupendous as "Cat-People Attack City" in my

future journalistic career.

I love Guy and Ice. Next to Barda/Mr. Miracle, they are the OTP I support the most. Despite their differences, they make a great pair, mainly because Ice brings out the best in Guy. BUT THEY CANNOT GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. Every time I read something with them, they're fighting for some reason. Ice was dead, and then she comes back, and then they have a sweet reunion, and then Ice says she needs time, and he gives her time, and then she comes to Oa to visit him, and then they fight AGAIN. I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY AND TOGETHER. They're my second most favourite canon pairing and I love them.

THANK YOU DICK. THAT WAS SO HELPFUL.

Who would win in a fight? part II

2011-07-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

My bro and I were going to do this thing where we pick five members (each from DC and Marvel) for a dream team and then we pit them against each other. We would each defend our picks and then a third party would be the judge. He failed though, so here are mine. Also, we were required to defend them even if we thought they would lose, so for some pairings I'll say who I actually thought would win.

Hercules vs. Taskmaster (circa Gail Simone redesign, I assume)
Powers
Herc: Extremely strong. That’s basically it.
Tasky: Proficient with a ton of fighting styles, owing to his ability to learn any style just by watching.

Look, Herc is Herc. He’s a Greek demigod. Maybe Tasky has a bunch of different abilities, but Herc has the strength to withstand all of them. You may be thinking, “Won’t Tasky just mimic Herc and he won’t be able to get a shot in?” Well, you may also recall from his own series that Herc doesn’t fight fair (purple nurples and crotch shots, anyone?). He doesn’t HAVE a cohesive and distinct fighting style, so Tasky won’t be able to copy it to any great effect.

Nightcrawler vs. Depowered Jubilee
Powers
Nightcrawler: Can walk on walls, has a prehensile tail, and can teleport.
Depowered Jubilee: Tech skills, I guess? I don’t really know.

Powered Jubilee couldn’t even beat nonpowered Robin in DC vs. Marvel. She’s not the best competitor WITH her powers, and without them she has no chance.

Luke Cage vs. Gambit
Powers
Luke Cage: Skin like steel, very strong.
Gambit: Not totally clear. It involves kinetic energy and throwing cards.

Gambit’s the guy that all the ladies love but that doesn’t help him when he’s against MOTHERFUCKING LUKE CAGE. Luke smashes stuff. It is what he does. Gambit’s cards aren’t going to do anything to his impenetrable skin. And Luke has determination almost to the point of insanity. In Luke’s series, Doctor Doom hired him and then left without paying. So what does Luke do? He punches his way into the Baxter Building, bullies the FF into lending him their jet which he somehow knows how to fly, fights some robots, somehow gets into Doom’s castle, finds Doom’s one weakness (repeated stress to a solitary point in his armour) and gets the 200 bucks. Do you think Gambit can beat Doom? I DON’T THINK SO.

She-Hulk vs. Deadpool
Powers
She-Hulk: Super strong, can heal rapidly.
Deadpool: Can also heal rapidly, proficient with fire arms and different fighting styles.

When both competitors can heal quickly, the winner will be the one who can incapacitate the other the quickest. Deadpool’s good with weapons, but he’s not particularly strong (at least not in the context of the Marvel universe), while Shulkie has exponential strength as She-Hulk. When she had to fight Champion to stop him from terrorizing a planet, she worked out as Jen to become stronger, and then became intensely strong as She-Hulk. I can’t quite recall, but I’m 90% sure Reed had to make her a special suit so she didn’t keep accidentally like, breaking tables and shit. I have confidence that she can easily overpower Deadpool.

I don't know, I think Deadpool would win this one. I love Shulkie, but Deadpool has taken on enemies way more difficult than her.

Squirrel Girl vs. Juggernaut
Powers
Squirrel Girl: Can talk to squirrels. I think she’s really strong too.
Juggernaut: He is a juggernaut.

He may be the Juggernaut bitch, but Squirrel Girl is more powerful. Exhibit A: She defeated Doom and it was never retconned to a Doombot. Exhibit B: She defeated Thanos. Bam, annihilated.

Guy Gardner vs. Captain Marvel
Powers
Captain Marvel: Can harness the power of a bunch of different gods.
Guy Gardner: His ring can make anything he thinks of materialize.

Captain Marvel is as powerful as six gods, yes, but there are a few things to consider here: 1. Mentally, he’s a kid. He has power, but he doesn’t really know how to use it. Guy Gardner has more experience. 2. Captain Marvel is limited to the powers of these gods. Guy is only limited by his imagination. 3. Guy HATES losing. He will keep fighting until he’s dead, and Captain Marvel wouldn’t kill anyone. Ergo, Guy will win. Here’s a good example of Guy’s extreme determination: when he lost the GL ring he hired Lobo (and lied about his payment) to help him get Sinestro’s yellow ring, he planet hopped a bit (and keep in mind HE CAN SOMEHOW BREATHE IN SPACE) to get the ring, ended up accidentally unleashing a bunch of Qwardians on Oa and while everyone was preoccupied with fighting he made his way to the GL crypts where he fought Sinestro’s ghost (or something, it’s not clear) to get the yellow ring, got out of his promise to Lobo on a technicality, then went home. So to be clear, WITHOUT A RING, he went to a couple different planets until ending up on Oa where he fought Sinestro WHILE RINGLESS and then got the yellow ring (which, incidentally, is charged by fighting Green Lanterns).

Barda vs. Black Canary
Powers
Barda: Was a Fury, so she’s good at fighting. Fairly impervious to pain (didn’t notice getting shot in Birds of Prey).
Black Canary: One of the best martial artists in the DCU, has a canary cry that can incapacitate enemies.

Come on. It’s Barda. Canary may be a really good martial artist, but Barda was a Fury. Those chicks are INTENSE. In BoP, Canary went to Thailand (I think) to learn how to fight from Shiva and some old woman. She barely survived that, if I recall. Barda lived on Apokalips for years, which is a way more intense place than Thailand. In the movie adaptation of the Superman/Batman arc where they go to Apokalips, she singlehandedly defeated a fire breathing tank. In BoP, she jumps onto a passing aircraft and punches her way in. Canary’s good, but she’s not THAT good.

Cassandra Cain vs. Jason Blood
Powers
Cass: Can read body language like an actual language, one of the best fighters in the DCU.
Jason Blood: He’s magical, or something.

Jason Blood is nebbish dude who never leaves his library of magical artifacts. He’s no match for Cass, who once defeated Shiva.

Jaime Reyes vs. Kyle Rayner
Powers
Jaime: His scarab armour can do pretty much anything: fly, shoot stuff, make shields, etc.
Kyle: His ring can make anything that he thinks of materialize.

I would never have remembered this if Jonas didn’t mention it, but the scarabs HATE Green Lanterns. The scarab is normally fairly psycho, but against a Green Lantern it would be unstoppable. Let us not forget that in Blue Beetle Jaime was doing pretty well in his fight with Guy Gardner until Guy realized Jaime was a kid (and then he just left Jaime stranded on another planet with no clothes on...) Not only is Jaime strong with the armour, but he’s smart and good at strategizing. In his climactic fight with the Reach, he had backup plan after backup plan and he wasn’t defeated even when they took the scarab.

I think Kyle would win this one. He's more experienced and has better fighting skills.

Booster Gold vs. Conner Kent
Powers
Booster Gold: Can travel through time, can fly, has a robot sidekick.
Conner Kent: Has all the powers of Superman.

At first glance, this matchup may seem ludicrous: Booster Gold has been the butt of jokes for years and Conner has DNA from both Supes and Lex Luthor. BUT, Booster can just go back in time and stop Conner from ever being born/made. FIGHT. OVER.

Let's be honest: Booster has no chance of winning against Superboy.

LOBO FOREVER

2011-06-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

I have an unabashed love for those characters who just love punching things: Guy Gardner, Barda, Boodikka, Luke Cage, etc. I had really no opinion on Hawkman before, but Trinity made

me love him. I am very amused by these two panels with exposition in the foreground and Hawkman beating shit up in the backgr

ound. Poor Primat. I'm pretty sure she gets taken out by him on two different occasions.

I'm fond of Iron Fist (mostly because he's associated with Luke Cage in my mind, and I LOVE Luke Cage), but he has one of the worst costumes of all time. And the dumbest power. Why can't both fists be like unto a thing of iron? (or whatever the narration boxes say every time he wields his fist.) Plas's costume is probably the worst, although Mr. Miracle's comes pretty close.

Here, Aquaman and Namor are fighting each other for the survival of their respective universes. Namor spends the whole fight being noble and stoic, while Aquaman takes the "make as many stupid jokes as possible" route. I don't know why more people don't like Aquaman, because he is both hilarious and a badass. ANYWAY, the funny part about these panels is that I read Aquaman's "I've done plenty of sighin' on Atlantis too" crack, and I was like "Aquaman, you're such an idiot" and then read on to see Namor calls him an idiot as well. It may interest you to know that Aquaman wins the fight by dropping a whale on Namor's head. I'm not so sure he would win the fight because in Incredible Hercules Namor throws like, an island at Herc's head. But this matchup isn't as maddening as the Lobo/Wolverine fight WHICH I WILL NOT GET INTO RIGHT NOW ~~Lobo would totally win that fight, don't try to tell me any different~~.

MY LOVE FOR GUY KNOWS NO BOUNDS

2011-06-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

This was starting out so philosophical and deep and then ended up...not.

I'm rereading Booster Gold at the moment. I read it about a year ago and have vague memories of most of the issues, except this one! Which is insane because a) Booster has a drinking contest with Jonah Hex and b) Nova's grand plan to kill the doctor who delivered Jonathan Kent's grandfather (or something) is to HAVE BUFFALO MATERIALIZE IN THE AIR AND DROP ON HIS HEAD. Brilliant.

One of these days I have to post my reasons for being deeply in love with Guy Gardner, but I will reveal one of said reasons right now: his fashion sense. His idea of badass is assless chaps and crop tops and his idea of incognito is a bright yellow pimp suit. YES.

Ted had the chaps on hand

2011-06-06T21:15:00.000-07:00

I love Cass and Tim together. I don't ship them or anything, but I think they make good friends. Also, I love Cass's costume so much. Hers is my number one favourite costume of all time. Number two is pr

obably Tim's red and black Robin costume, and three is probably Tasky's hoodie costume.

You have no idea how much I wanted Cass's series to turn into a constant Robin/Batgirl teamup. SO MUCH. Sadly, it was too awesome to last.

As a side note, I'm so in love with this art I want to marry it. As another side note, Tim looks disturbingly like Damian here, and then I thought, HOW AWESOME WOULD A CASS/DAMIAN TEAMUP BE? As far as I know this hasn't happened yet, probably because it would end in lots of bloodshed, as those two need a calming influence with them.

Moving on to GUY FRIGGIN GARDNER:

I love this a lot, because General Glory's sidekick looks exactly like Bucky with a really bad bowl cut. Seeing as how General Glory is basically Captain America, I assume this was intentional

. Guy also modelled his haircut after this sidekick's which we can all agree was a SUPREMELY MISGUIDED MOVE.

I thought this was a sweet moment between the two. They don't have enough interaction for my taste. Also, I'm lovin' Guy's hair here. I wish I had a full body shot of his new costume because it is AMAZING. Two words: Assless. Chaps. Also, Ted Kord picked it out or possibly made/bought/had it made for him.

Disco Fever

2011-06-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

Look at Tim's arm compared to Kon's! I know Kon's supposed to be Superman's clone but GEEZ, I'm pretty sure Tim gets an ample amount of exercise. His arm is skinner than mine and I have NO muscle tone.

I adore Power Man and Iron Fist, mostly for the camp factor. So imagine how excited I was to see them team up with Dazzler, who instantly adds camp to any comic she's in! What I love most about this, though, is her disbelief: "Somehow I managed to win a fight with three mutants! I mean, I sure don't fucking know how THAT happened, seeing as how my power is to turn sound waves into light waves or some shit. I'm just here to disco."

Moving on: In general, Etrigan's rhymes are hit or miss: either the writers can do his dialogue without narm, or they can't. In Brave and the Bold, I thought JMS did a pretty good job. Except for the following, which I'm not sure is the best or worst of Etrigan's rhymes I've seen:

I'm leaning towards best. Elegant in its simplicity.

Ralphina

2011-03-27T11:06:00.001-07:00

You all need to be reading Formerly Known As the Justice League and its sequel I Can't Believe It's Not the Justice League. If it doesn't switch you to the DCU for life, absolutely nothing will (except maybe Blue Beetle).

More funny panels will be coming later, but I want to focus on the most depressing aspect of the series:

(Ralph mistakenly thinks that Sue is pregnant).

I hated the art when I first saw it, but it's kind of growing on me. The faces are so expressive. Just look at Ralph's goofy smile in panel 2.

Ralph and Sue are seen as one of the best couples in comicdom. They're really cute together and they actually love each other. All their interactions in this series are great, but unfortunately in the back of my mind, all I could think was...

Not only does Sue end up dying, but she ends up being burned to death, which could not have been an easy death. Is there anything more soul crushingly depressing than the formerly jaunty Ralph wailing in the rain while clutching the burned husk of his wife?

Oh, and here's what makes it WORSE: in the first set of panels, Ralph is delighted at the idea of becoming a father. It's later revealed that Sue had become pregnant right before her death. COME ON, DC!

Also sad: I LOVE Max Lord in FKATJL. He's kind of a fussy, manipulative jerk, but also really funny (and I'm pretty sure he has a cute crush on Sue). But I couldn't completely enjoy him because I know that someday he will go crazy, shoot Ted in the head, and then have his neck snapped by Wonder Woman. DC: WHERE DREAMS GO TO DIE.

Poor G'nort. All he wants is to pee!

That slash is in the title for a few reasons

2011-03-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

I recently watched Superman/Batman: Apocalypse, and it got me back into Superman/Batman. I haven't read the series for awhile because it stopped making much sense after Jeph Loeb left, but it's getting (somewhat) better, due in no small part to the first annual issue, written by Joe Kelly. I believe it's a reimagining of an older story, so it's in a different timeline than the rest of the series. Hence, why Clark and Bruce don't know each other.

I don't remember much of the background because I was too enthralled with the blatant homoeroticism, but Lois and Clark are on a cruise to do some kind of story for the Daily Planet and Bruce is also there to do his womanizing playboy thing (more than any other chara

cter, it is SO WEIRD to see him without his costume. I think in part because his superhero personality and civilian personality are so different).

The whole thing reads like a romantic comedy. I'm not even kidding. It's not just a little

homoerotic and you can kind of see it if you're trying to see it. It's BLATANT. Clark and Bruce first start arguing when checking in, and then quickly realize that someone screwed up their reservations.

I'm not kidding. They have to share a room. Not like I've seen that in a billion teen shows and romantic comedies or anything. Lois is amused. I'm fairly sure they're dating or married at this point, so why she won't let him share her room, I honestly have no idea.

But it gets better.

Yes. They have to share a bed. And it looks like a twin or something. I absolutely love that Clark left his glasses on to sleep. This is the peril of not having a well thought out disguise: when the only thing separating you from Superman is a curl and glasses, what happens when you have to lose both of them?

~~Deadpool~~ NotDeathstroke knows what's up.

You might ask, how can this get gayer than two men with a history of homoerotic subtext being forced to sleep in the same bed? Well...

Yes. Clark undressed Bruce. ~~And not just with his eyes, like he usually does.~~

Joe Kelly=a national treasure.

Poor Streaky

2011-03-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

"Figure out my secret identity yet? It's not like I wear a mask or anything. And sometimes I show up in my Super

man identity while looking like Clark Kent." For God's sakes, it even took his own WIFE forever to figure it out.

If the Secret Six take over the world, we're screwed because Ragdoll will be ruling us. I'm not sure if that's better or worse than having Deadshot as a ruler. But nowhere near as bad as Cheshire or Parademon. If this happens, I'm moving to Africa.

Fans of Power Girl may be going, "Wait! Streaky's actually orange!" Well, it takes about three issues of her comic to realize that Streaky is covered in dust from his kitty litter, Peej=worst pet owner ever.

KRAK

2011-03-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

Ha ha ha ha. Oh Steph. You should expect this by now.

Kilowog's a mothereffin' BAMF! Love that guy. Best GLs: 1. Guy Gardner 2. Kilowog 3. Kyle Rayner 4. G'nort. I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

I love this because it makes so much sense. Everyone loves the DC heroes, but everyone hates the Marvel sueprheroes. So when the Marvel heroes go to the DCU, they're very discombobulated by the attention they receive.

Unterrifying

2011-03-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, come on now. There's gratuitous, and then there's cheesecake, and then there's this.

After Kara/Lobo (and just before Ollie/Deadman) Jaime/Batman was my favourite teamup from Brave and the Bold. Their personalities are completely different: Batman is dark and broody, while Jaime is fun and happy. He really wants to impress Batman, and Bats is just trying to help him be a better superhero.

Where Batman really shines, in any comic that he appears, is when he's trying to teach/help other superheroes. You would think that since Superman is nice and pure that he would be the one to mentor others, but he really isn't. He has the "Super Family" but this mostly consists of people tangentially related to him (Peej being his otherdimensional counterpart's cousin, Kon being his partial clone) who go off and do their own thing. He doesn't even hang out with Krypto that much. Bats actually mentors and teaches all of his sidekicks (by my count: three Batgirls and five Robins) and is involved in their lives and continues to be involved after they evolve (ex: Oracle, Nightwing). Not only that, but as I said before, he often supports the heroes who don't receive much support elsewhere (Booster Gold, Plastic Man). I'm not a huge fan of his mostly because I prefer my comics to be both funny and optimistic in tone, but I really like him for that.

Jarvis is no Alfred, who can extricate himself from virtually every kidnapping situation, but he tries.

Damian replaces Tim as my fave Robin.

2011-03-14T06:09:00.001-07:00

There's something you never want to see in your lifetime.

Protip: Never accept help from Shiva. It won't turn out well.

Wonder Woman is always so morally upright and honourable, you never expect her to fight dirty. I believe she's fighting Hercules though, and he always brings out the worst in her.

Oh man, I love these two together. Can they have their own teamup comic please? Steph is great in her own comic but the issues where Damian and Steph worked together were my fave. And Damian in his own comic (Batman and Robin by Grant Morrison) was very underwhelming. They need to be together.

As a whole, I find the women in DC to be way more kickass and memorable than the Marvel ones. The only Marvel female-centric series I read are She-Hulk, Spider-Girl, and the Pulse (but when not in her own series, Jessica always takes a backseat, so much so that my brother assumed she was always a one dimensional character who only existed to be Luke's wife). I'm not sure there are even many others. In the DCU, however, I'm a fan of Wonder Woman, Birds of Prey, Power Girl, and two different series of Batgirl. Come on Marvel. Get your act together.

My stomach was making the rumblies...that only hands could satisfy

2011-03-08T16:58:00.001-08:00

"Caaaarl! That k ills people, Caaaarl!"

That's awkward, Magog, seeing as how SPOILER Rip's actually Booster's son.

Here's a picture that I've had forever but never used:

A pubescent Spider-Man getting hit in the chest with a very phallic object wielded by Doc Ock. You're welcome.

Guy Gardner makes everything awesome

2011-03-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to lie: this is the best stupid/awesome idea I have ever seen. If it was a reality show, I would watch it.

And now, courtesy of Marvel Teamup, we have a couple of fastball specials:

Freedom Ring throwing a skrull!

And Spidey throwing X-23! Here's something to keep in mind whenever you see the fastball special: the person doing the throwing is touching the other one's butt. Yeah, that's something Colossus never mentioned when he was throwing Wolverine.

I also like his flip flops

2011-03-06T19:20:00.000-08:00

I didn't love the direction this writer (can't remember who it was) took with the Cass/Connor relationship, but at its beginnings I thought it was adorable (minus Kon's RIDICULOUS costume). I also thought the portrayal of Cass was well done and realistic. She's never been able to be a normal kid, and so she never really developed the social skills that everyone else had. Her confusion about her feelings for the dude whose name I can't remember and Kon was very real and very in character. The thing I like the most about Cass's series (other than that she's a total BAMF) is her quest to overcome her upbringing and be a good and normal person.

Side note: as a whole, I don't think this art was very popular. I didn't mind it though: I like the sharpness of it. It's very angular, and in closeups of Cass she looked so cute. If one thing's off, it's the colouring: it looks like the pages have been left out in the sun for awhile.

I love how fucking distressed this dude looks. He fucked with the WRONG GL. Also amusing: even on vacation, Guy's still a Green Lantern.

Kingpin has never been my favourite Marvel villain (Dr. Doom forever!) but he was awesome in this issue of Spider-Man/Batman. He played R'as al Ghul so hard that dude didn't know what hit him. Plus, his relationship with his wife is very sweet. I still don't understand his deal though. Like, he's not a mutant. Is he just naturally ginormous? In Ultimate Spider-Man, he appeared to be roughly 15 feet tall. His fingers are each like the width of his wife's arm.

Peej and Wondy: Best teamup ever

2011-02-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

No kidding he wasn't the best choice. He went to save everyone in the hospital and got shot IMMEDIATELY. The fate of the world is at stake here: couldn't you at least send Superman

or something?

Look at the death look. Make fun of Booster at your peril, Magog!

I loved this teamup a lot. Wonder Woman is calm, methodical, and patient. Peej just wants to get out there and punch someone in the face.

Batman called Jay "sir"

2011-02-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

As my sister said, "Wolverine has to be the brains of the outfit. They're in trouble."

I haven't gone into my Robert Kirkman rant (in short: there's something about his original work that just seems off to me; the characters don't seem real) but Marvel Teamup is nonstop fun from beginning to end. I loved it so much I read the 25 issues in two days. Around the beginning of the Freedom Ring arc it was kind of less of a teamup and more "random slacker guy gets random powers" but it was still a good arc. His Spider-Man was a lot of fun, as well as his Wolverine and Nick Fury.

Aw yeah, Jay Garrick, the best mother effin Golden Age hero! His teamup with Batman was AWESOME. It mostly consisted of Jay ordering Batman around and saving the day while Batman just punched people. I love his little hat and his optimistic attitude and his grace in getting older.

This is the best throwaway line ever. Worst. Assignment. Ever. Or maybe the best?

Lobo/Kara...OTP?

2011-02-17T17:49:00.000-08:00

I love Lobo's look of complete surprise. ALSO I'm pretty sure making Kara wear the biker gear was a fanservice thing. She started wearing the jacket to hide her identity, but she kept the jacket open pretty much the whole time, and she's not exactly hiding the Superman symbol here, either.

Also, the glasses make her look like John Lennon.

I loved this issue of Spider-Girl SOLELY because May finally got over her stupid crush on resident dbag Franklin Richards.

Is it just me or his chest WAY bigger than it should be?

I'm not going to get into a whole diatribe about what an idiot this guy is, but there are a couple of things I wanted to mention.

1. The homosexuality he is referring to is Felicia Hardy and her girlfriend. Larry makes it seem like it was somehow explicit, but it's really not. It took me forever to even notice that the woman with Felicia was her girlfriend.

2. I do find the reply here to be kind of missing the point. Comparing a same-sex relationship to the relationship you have with your same-sex parent is creepy and also irrelevant. It's not the same thing at all. I do appreciate that they were respectful and gracious in their reply.

3. I find that homosexuality in comic books is portrayed a lot better than in other media. Homosexuality is something that shouldn't stand out - it should just be seen as normal. A lot of other media (TV and movies primarily) make a big deal if they have gay characters, but comic books just have them interacting normally with others and each other.

This seems like a good segue into my Young Avengers story. While reading it, I kept noticing that the letters were always like "Hulkling and Wiccan are gay, right?" and I was always like, "I don't see it..." and then it turned out they were. I recently reread Young Avengers and it's so obvious in hindsight. The moral: my gaydar doesn't work on fictional characters.

"Damn."

2011-02-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

1. I love that Catwoman is so excited to be working with Supes, I love her when she's all happy and funny, as opposed to dark and femme fatale-ish (although I don't m

ind that either).

2. How awesome is her outfit? DC has finally realized that what a woman needs when she is frequently engaged in physical combat is not fishnets or cleavage bearing shirts (cough CANARY cough, I love you but that outfit has got to go), but sturdy boots and an ensemble

that covers everything! I'm not required to suspend disbelief when I look at her: I really believe that this is a good choice for being a cat burglar.

3. I highly recommend Brave and the Bold. Guys, Supergirl teams up with Lobo! And later Aquaman teams up with Etrigan. Granted, I like Jason Blood more than Etrigan, but whatever, he speaks in poetry so I'm down with that.

Okay Dick, I see that you're having a case of selective memory loss. Apparently you've forgotten that:

A) You were like 10 when you started working with Batman, so you can't really throw stones in this situation.

B) You're training a 10 year old psychopath, which is a recipe for disaster if I've ever heard one. Also, in this situation, said 10 year old psychopath attacked a dude before realizing that this would cause a building to blow up. This sounds like recklessness to me.

C) Before Steph was the new Batgirl, she was Robin. And before she was Robin, she was Spoiler. I think she's pretty much earned your trust.

While I find this hilarious, it is also an extremely unsatisfying conclusion to my ship. I guess it's back to shipping Herc and Namora. And Shulkie and Aquaman, even though that will never happen.

I've always wanted to say that

2011-02-15T13:48:00.000-08:00

I...can't say the same there, Dick.

My favourite part of this is the stoic security redshirt guy, who has ALSO wanted to say "Head 'em up, move 'em out."

I love La Dama's character. She's a badass crime lord...but she also genuinely loves Brenda and has her geeky little moments, like here. I was really disappointed with her depiction in the Brave and the Bold (an otherwise excellent title). She was boring and useless. Kind of like what Fabian Nicieza did to Outlaw in Cable and Deadpool.

She's not a sole survivor...Supes is still alive

2011-02-12T13:04:00.000-08:00

So in this issue, Supes and Catwoman go to an auction to get a map they think leads t

o the Batcave. Catwoman gives him a disguise, which is basically "Clark Kent" and then they get found out. So here's my question: Since Clark Kent is a fairly well known reporter, doesn't it completely blow his secret identity to go to the auction as Clark Kent and then reveal that he's Superman? I mean, look at that first panel: THEY ARE LOOKING AT HIS ACTUAL FACE. Why are they not going, "Hey, look, this dude's Superman! Anyone recognize him?"

The Supergirl/Lobo teamup was my favourite of all time, and this moment was so unbelievably sweet. Here's the thing though: it is so so so out of character for Lobo, especially when you consider that in the SAME YEAR (2007) Lobo fought the Titans and he grabbed Supergirl by her face and chucked her practically into orbit. Here's the other thing: I don't really give a crap. I love Lobo without reservation, and I love heartwarming moments. Put the two together, and awesomeness results. Look, I just have a thing for assholes who are secretly nice, all right? It's why I read everything with Guy Gardner in it.

Oh Jaime...I didn't realize how much I missed you until your appearance in Brave and the B

old.

Kara and Lobo need their own series, stat

2011-02-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

This dinosaur woman was, no joke, so horny that she couldn't wait half an hour for her bf to come back from outer space. Words cannot describe how amused I am that she kept her babuschka on.

Lobo and Supergirl. THIS IS WONDERFUL. They have a very sweet moment later that I will probably highlight tomorrow.

What the hell are you wearing, Ollie? This is your first date with Dinah in years, and you decide to go full on pirate? Is it not enough to have the stupid beard?

Again with the innuendos, Kevin Smith.

Bye bye, Bats

2011-02-08T14:30:00.000-08:00

What I love about this:

1. Superman's kind of confused expression.

2. Kyle's "Oh, Guy...

" facepalm.

3. Batman's analytical "hnn"

4. JOHN'S EXPRESSION OF ABSOLUTE HORROR. You'd think that Cthulhu's tentacles had just emerged from Guy's ass.

This is why Guy's the best GL of all time: he has the balls to moon Batman AND HE WILL DO SO IN SPACE.

Chase is proof that you don't need powers to be a superhero.

Also amusing: the "snik" noise his knife makes. I guess "snikt" is trademarked by Wolverine.

That pantsless suit is so attractive.

Marvel 1602 is a pretty good idea

2011-02-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

This is all from one mini series, possibly just one issue. Necks get a workout in the DCU.

...why is Alfred wearing a hunting cap?

What's more awesome than Nick Fury as a spy/badass? NICK FURY AS A KNIGHT/BADASS.

2011-02-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

Wow, Booster. That is...some hair you've got there.

There's just something so charming about this panel. Poor C-list villain...you'll never get the respect that you so crave.

THE LITTLE CHIBI VILLAINS ARE SO CUTE! Catwoman (unfortunately not pictured) was the cutest, but I also love Mr. Freeze there (his gun shoots ice cream) but of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention little Lex riding on adorable/ugly Doomsday.

All Batman, all the time

2011-02-05T09:36:00.000-08:00

Poor Cap doesn't know how to deal with Batman...the goddamn Batman doesn't take orders from anyone, even though he agreed Cap should be the leader of the two teams.

I'm guessing Oracle might be the only person who can successfully intimidate Batman, and this guy's gone up against Darkseid. On a related note, this art is HORRENDOUS.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIS FACE??

He's watching someone who may or may not be Cass killing a man. Now, we can all agree that murder is bad, but I still don't know why this surprised him so much. Cass was raised to be an assassin BY an assassin. Bats is dreaming if he thinks she didn't get some practical education in.

I'm pretty sure that every Christmas Alfred goes out and buys a whole bunch of Batman merchandise and gives it to the bat family as gifts.

You can't really see it in these panels, so I'll explain. Plas is trying to get his ex's kid out of a gang, and then it's gradually revealed that it's his son. Plas knew it all along but freaked out and left. Bats says, "Of all of us, even Clark, I always thought you would make the best father." Plas denies this and starts talking in a self-deprecating manner. Bats then replies, "Because I thought you would be the kind of father who would show his children that he loved them, instead of just telling them. I thought you would make them laugh all of the time."

All together now: "Awwwww." I'm not a huge Batman fan (I know, I know: SACRILEGE) but my favourite aspect of his personality is that he always believes in the least-respected members of the JLA, even when they don't believe in themselves. First it's Booster Gold, then it's Plas.

He could have just lifted the whale off him

2011-02-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

Fond as I am of Aquaman, I'm beginning to believe that he couldn't beat Namor in a fight.

Much like the two men who use fiddles to blow things up, I find it hard to believe that there are two people who have squirrels as pets.

But this guy is no Squirrel Girl.

You should know this Spidey - Batman doesn't joke.

Y: The Last Man was otherwise pretty flawless though

2011-02-02T08:23:00.000-08:00

The Shulkster's second fastball special! I guess this means she's stronger than Herc, making her probably the third strongest hero in the MU, after the Hulk and the Thing. She's awesome.

You have to use the fastball special wisely though. The consequences can be dire.

Out of all the stupid horror movie tropes, this is probably the stupidest. If you're talking to someone and they look at some point over your shoulder and go "don't hurt her" would you A) act confused and ask what's going on, or B) LOOK BEHIND YOU? Come on, Allison, you're smarter than that.

For a split second when I read this, I thought Dick was just being a dick to Damian. Like, "Yeah? Well YOUR MOM'S paramedics are here." Then I realized that, yes, Talia probably did instantaneously hear about her son's injuries and send her own paramedics.

Guy only says he's the best because it's true

2011-02-01T19:02:00.001-08:00

This is random, but I LOVE how Guy is always the main Lantern they use on Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Hal gets way too much exposure, I think.

Kilowog's kids are the most adorable things I have ever seen. Especially the little girl.

There's just something so cute about the Hulk carrying around pet coyotes. Also, this was probably the most depressing issue of anything I've ever read. I'm including Deadpool putting Al in the room with knives everywhere, any issue of Booster Gold that involves all the heroes dying, and the issue of Green Lantern that was basically just Kyle and alternate reality Alex talking about how the other one was dead in their respective universes.

The fastball special never gets old. I also love how every time anyone uses it, they put a different spin on it. Here and in She-Hulk (Shulkie's used it twice, now that I think about it) it's the woman throwing the man and in Runaways it's the (superpowered) 11 year old girl throwing the teenage guy.

I still hate Guy's hair though

2011-01-31T17:24:00.000-08:00

I cannot express to you my excitement when I saw this panel. Guy Gardner is a hilarious asshole. Lobo is a hilarious asshole. TOGETHER, THEY HAVE DOUBLE THE HIL

ARITY. I have a deep, occasionally irrational love for each of these characters and my heart burst with joy at the prospect of them together. They kind of mentioned in passing something about Lobo and Guy teaming up WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME AND I NEED TO FIND THIS COMIC LIKE, YESTERDAY.

Spidey is so out of his league here. He may be A list in the Marvel universe, but he's no match for the DCU.

Nick Charles!

This is from Plastic Man v4. The comic took a little getting used to at first: it's very unrealistic and cartoony (to match the Tex Avery-esque art) but I think I like it. Sometimes it seems very child-like and Looney Tunes humour, and then Kyle Baker will throw in a sexual innuendo. It's very jarring sometimes. I prefer Plastic Man's wackiness with some serious moments thrown in, whereas vol. 4 is all wackiness, all the time.

I also like the Tin Soldier segment

2011-01-30T09:46:00.000-08:00

If you were going to make a joke about the Greek gods' choices in sexual partners, you could do a lot better than a homosexuality joke. For instance, you could talk about Zeus's penchant for fucking anything with four legs, or his penchant for fucking his relatives.

Hey, I love Fantasia 2000. Rhapsody in Blue and Carnival of the Animals were great.

My favourite part of Superman/Batman was Superman's unexpected snark streak. He's kind of like Betty White on Golden Girls: you think he's so sweet and innocent and then BAM snark attack! It works especially well since Batman (when not written by Joe Kelly at least) is so humourless.

That could take poke out an eye

2011-01-29T12:53:00.000-08:00

Red Hood has kidnapped Dick and Damian and posted online that if he had enough votes, a live webcam feed of those two naked would go up.

1. I'm pretty sure that everyone in the DCU wants to see Dick naked.

2. Damian is 10 years old. That shit is MESSED. UP.

Ollie and Clint are so much alike that it's so hilarious when they interact. What happens when two overly cocky archers come together? AWESOMEN

ESS.

I just noticed right now that Clint is JACKED. Ollie needs to work out more.

Frank Miller...boobs don't work that way.

I can't think of Sherwood Forest the same way.

2011-01-28T14:39:00.000-08:00

So much about this that I love. Doom didn't have enough foresight to make his armour impervious to repeated blows. Luke is the only - repeat, THE ONLY - person to e

ver try this. Doom's face whe

n his circuitry breaks down. And later on Doom is completely charmed by Luke Cage and shows him a secret passageway out of his castle and lets him escape Latveria. I smell sitcom.

Come on, DC, you already have one skank with a boob window, and her name is Power Girl.

Yeah, they did a lot more than that, chibi!Canary, but you're too young to hear about that.

Pink pants

2011-01-27T17:50:00.000-08:00

I get that Shulkie's supposed to be sassy and sexy, but that doesn't seem to be the best outfit of choice to argue in court.

Not to mention, that's a lot of boobage for a prestigious job like She-Hulk's.

I love Parademon. He's so perceptive. I'm sad he's only in the first mini. Now that I think about it, I love anyone and anything out of Apokalips. I love Barda, I love Mr. Miracle, I love Parademon, and I'm fond of all the Furies (especially Granny Goodness). I even enjoy reading about Darkseid.

Pimp

2011-01-26T13:37:00.000-08:00

This dude is PIMPED. OUT. Check out that gigantic gau

ntlet. Also, if I'm not mistaken, he runs his little operation inside the alternate dimensio

n inside Cloak's cloak.

From Batman and Robin, I present to you: Flamingo.

Damian: I expected scary, not gay.

I can't remember this plotline AT ALL, but I love JJ's bling.

This guy has, hands down, the best outfit of all time. Pimp on top, voodoo master on the bottom.

I love these time travelling pimp wolves. Probably the only part of Joss Whedon's run on Runaways that I liked.

Who would win in a fight?

2011-01-24T19:21:00.000-08:00

I picked ten heroes from the DCU and MU (five males, five females) and put their names on pieces of paper and mixed them up in two separate bowls. I picked two at a time and pitted them against each other. Before you are the results:

Spider-Man vs. Aquaman

Abilities

Spider-Man- web shooters, increased speed and agility, can stick to walls.

Aquaman- Can talk to animals, can breathe underwater

On paper, Aquaman looks really lame, but he’s stronger than people give him credit for. Dude got his arm chewed off by a piranha and he’s still badass. Unfortunately, all fights take place on land, so Aquaman has a distinct disadvantage already. Spider-Man is faster and more agile. However, overall Aquaman is definitely stronger and probably the better strategist. In his fight with Namor, he dropped a whale on that guy’s head. Aquaman just needs to do that and Spidey’s toast.

WINNER: Aquaman

Molly Hayes vs. Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes)

Abilities

Blue Beetle- basically anything: suit has a large arsenal of weapons, strength, speed, flight.

Molly Hayes- super-strength, cuteness.

This one seems easy at first: Molly doesn’t have much besides super strength, and she has to sleep after even one use of that resource. Blue Beetle can do practically anything. HOWEVER, Jaime would never in a million years use his powers against an eleven year old girl, especially since he has a sister the same age. I think they would make a truce.

WINNER: Draw

Hercules vs. Ragdoll

Abilities

Ragdoll- can contort himself into any shape imaginable

Hercules- super strength

If Ragdoll tries to pull his signature move and strangle Herc from above, Herc will crush him like a beer can.

WINNER: Hercules

Power Man vs. Power Girl (I swear I didn’t rig this)

Abilities

Power Man- skin of steel, super strength

Power Girl- Flight, super strength, skin of steel

This would be a pretty even match. Both are very strong, both are brawlers, and both are determined. But even though Power Man has about 250 pounds on her, he’s only human and she’s a Kryptonian. Plus she can fly.

WINNER: Power Girl

Outlaw vs. Damian Wayne (Robin)

Abilities

Outlaw- expert markswoman, martial artist, degree of super strength

Damian- martial artist

If Outlaw was doing her best, I would say she would win hands down. But here’s what I see happening: Outlaw would be pulling her punches because Damian’s just a kid. He would then sneak in there and take her down because he has no such compunctions.

WINNER: Damian

Squirrel Girl vs. Oracle

Abilities

Squirrel Girl- practically invincible

Oracle- martial artist, professional badass

Much as I love Oracle, Squirrel Girl pwns everyone. No exceptions.

WINNER: Squirrel Girl

Spider-Girl vs. Guy Gardner

Abilities

Spider-Girl- enhanced strength, speed, and agility; can stick to things, trained fighter

Guy Gardner- Power ring allows him to make anything he thinks of manifest, pretty strong without it though

Guy has no such moral standards about beating up on teenagers, thus, no silly draws here. Spider-Girl has been improving and she’s taken down an impressive number of villains, but Guy has been in the game longer, he can make anything he wants just by thinking about it, and he really, really wants to win.

WINNER: Guy Gardner

Deadpool vs. Wonder Woman

Abilities

Deadpool- healing factor, expert at multiple weapons

Wonder Woman- flight, expert martial artist, owns lasso of truth

Let’s face it: Wonder Woman is A-list, and Deadpool is stuck in the B-list. In Secret Six, Deadshot shot at her at point blank range and she deflected every bullet with her bracelets. She’s been in the JLA with Plastic Man so she’s immune to mile a minute patter. He may be able to heal, but all she has to do is pick him up and fly him to the nearest lake and drop him in.

WINNER: Wonder Woman

Cassandra Cain vs. She-Hulk

Abilities

Cass- can predict opponents’ moves, excellent martial artist

She-Hulk- super strength, healing

Cassandra is undoubtedly the better fighter, but She-Hulk is about 10 times stronger than Cass is. So the question is, does strategy beat pure muscle? All Cass would have to do is that nerve pinch thing she's done to Spoiler multiple times, and Shulkie's out.

WINNER: Cass

Wolverine vs. Barda

Abilities

Wolverine- adamantium claws, healing factor, indestructible skeleton

Barda- extreme strength, awesomeness

Wolverine has brute strength and determination, but Barda lived in Apokalips for a long time. That place isn’t exactly Candyland. Plus Barda can uproot trees. She’s stronger than Wolverine AND she’s the more advanced fighter.

WINNER: Barda

SCORE

DC-7

Marvel-2

Tie: 1

My, my, aren't we bloodthirsty?

2011-01-24T11:34:00.001-08:00

Luke Cage: the gift that keeps on giving. This dude lost his hand and had it replaced WITH A MACE. That takes a spectacular lack of foresight. For instance, how does he wipe? Cook? Type?

This is, hands down, the best letter ever sent to the comics pages. It starts out normal enough: "Dear Spider-Girl: I just wanted to say, yaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhoooooooo! What a great ride this has been so far!" Okay, normal letters fare...then it goes COMPLETELY OFF THE RAILS. I talk about Kevin Smith's stories going off the rails, but this is more insane than (spoiler) Ollie's rich benefactor turning out to be a Satanist who conjured a demon who turned out to be his grandson's best friend and then later getting eaten by said demon. The letter then continues: "I can't wait to see how Peter and MJ will die and what other tragic things will happen in May's life."

WTFFF?? I'm so glad I read the letters pages because this made me laugh SO HARD, you don't even know. Who says that? The best part is that it starts out so happy and then keeps that happy tone throughout the whole insane letter, even when he's talking about how he can't wait to see Peter and MJ die.

Poor J'onn. He doesn't argue. He just takes it like a man (Martian).

The Lukey or the tiger?

2011-01-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

Don't ever tell me Luke Cage isn't the most awesome hero of all time: HE PUNCHED

A TIGER IN THE NECK. The confused "ROWR?" is just the icing on the cake.

And here, in a nutshell, is why I love Joe Kelly as a writer: Plastic Man as Flash being crushed by his long lost son who has taken the shape of a giant dinosaur. The sound effect, coupled with the giant dinosaur rear end and just the boots showing is the best. That panel could not be more perfect.

There's so much about this that I love. Zatanna's no doubt hilarious story, Ollie and Clint's battle of the trick arrows (seen over Zatanna's head in panel 1), Shulkie cheering on arm wrestlers, and perhaps most of all, Guy being yelled for his dirty thoughts by Moondragon, who is probably stronger than he is, even with his power ring.

I'm eating for A THOUSAND

2011-01-22T11:25:00.000-08:00

I'm very amused how May is completely unconcerned with Felicity Hardy and Franklin Richards back there. She doesn't care that one or both may be injured. She's all, "damn, Scarlet

Spider fell...oh well, at least Franklin broke her fall." At least now May cares about Franklin about as much as everyone else does. Hopefully his appearances will be few and far between now that May doesn't have a crush on him anymore. I'll take more Darkdevil instead. Or Normie and Raptor.

Well this is...less than appealing.

Side note: DC has some pretty stupid villains. Marvel has Stilt-Man and Lady Stilt-Man, but DC has both a caterpillar with super intelligence (Mr. Mind) and a blue and purple star that attaches to your face (Starro).

Best story arc of LIFE (well, in the DCU at least...it's about on par with the Luke Cage storyline where he strong arms the FF into giving him their jet and then he flies to Latveria to get Doom to cough up two hundred bucks.) Anyway, chibi heroes and villains appear in the normal universe and have to learn to cope.

As a side note, I was showing my Mom different examples of artwork to see which ones she liked best. I showed her this panel (Rafael Albuquerque), Studio Udon, I think Michael Turner, and Ed McGuinness. Mom liked this one the least, and when I asked her why she said that "the characters looked too childlike." I then informed her that was the point. You'd think she'd have realized that from the presence of the real Batman, but then again I had sensed that her heart wasn't really in the discussion.

Happy isn't very happy

2011-01-21T18:35:00.000-08:00

Is Dinah really THAT unselfaware? Like her leather leotard/fishnets ensemble wasn't ALREADY dressing like a hooker.

As a side note, later on Wonder Woman and Black Canary go to Japan for some reason and they both dress like strippers. Clearly, that's not a problem for Canary. Chuck Dixon wasn't thinking when he wrote this panel.

Geez Tony, even in the lighthearted Marvel Adventures universe you're a dickhead. Look how utterly depressed Happy looks. That's the last time he ever asks you for any advice.

I'm guessing that Damian is wearing Kevlar under his suit, but being shot five times at close range is NOT something from which you generally recover (unless you're 50 cent). No one seems very worried though, including Damian. Did they just forget when something VERY similar happened to Barbara Gordon? Perhaps they're just assuming that Talia will pop him into a Lazarus pit and he'll be fine, although that didn't really work out for Jason Todd.

But what happens if he has to wipe?

2011-01-19T15:37:00.000-08:00

Luke Cage: Home of the best villains of all time. Don't believe me?

Senor Muerte! Spins a little thingie on his chest and then forces you to pick which hand to shake...choose poorly, and you get ELECTROCUTED. He's kind of like Two-Face mixed with Anton Chigurh with a huge helping of lame. But it's so lame it's also kind of awesome. It also occurs to me just now that he could definitely have been played in a movie by Billy Dee Williams back in the day. Probably even now.

Luke Cage: confident in his masculinity.

This may be the best cheesecake shot I've ever seen.

Sound Effect Mania

2011-01-18T16:40:00.001-08:00

I've had a bunch of sound effect pictures saved for an epic post, and that time is TODAY, my friends!

Green Goblin is second only to T-Ray (and maybe Typhoid Mary) on my list of most hated villains, but he has some badass sound effects. BWOMF? Come on, that's awesome. If I ever write comic books, I would have so much fun making up the most random sound effects.

Plus I love puns.

Booster Gold/Donkey Kong crossover: SO WRONG, IT'S RIGHT.

I'm sorry, but I have NO IDEA what KRAKKA KRAKKA FOOM is supposed to sound like in real life. Maybe the FOOM part, but not the

KRAKKA KRAKKA.

Ditto for RRAKKOOOO. Half

the time I think the writers are just fucking with us with some of these sound effects.

PS: I like that Hal/Parallax says "Gnats" when something goes wrong.

Like RUMP? Come on, that's a noun, not a sound effect. Parenthetically, I have no idea what comic this is from. I should label my pictures better.

So that's the sound that grabbing a hidden recorder from a dbag in a weird looking wetsuit makes.

If you've ever wondered what it sounds like when your fake parents from another universe make a cake come into existence out of thin air...now you know.

On the other hand, this is a great representation of what it would sound like to get your heart removed by Zombie Ted.

Fred Van Lente is, hands down, the king of sound effects. Sproy bloom? It makes NO SENSE but it's AWESOME.

PS: This is my only exposure to Namora, and I LOVE HER despite the fact that she is for some reason in love with her cousin Namor, he of the Spock eyebrows and scaly Speedos.

Edit: Apparently Namor and Namora are NOT related by blood, making her crush less uncomfortable. I still ship Namora/Herc though.

Damien Wayne: second best Robin

2011-01-17T14:56:00.000-08:00

Batman/Spider-Man crossover: so wrong, and yet SO RIGHT. I also enjoy Batman's parka. You'd think Lucius could invent a heated suit or something.

This outfit is...pretty outstanding. I'm not sure what my reaction would be if this dude broke into my house. I mean, he has a gun and an eyepatch, which are fairly intimidating. But on the other hand, he's wearing a belly shirt and bike shorts. There is no excuse for that.

Is Damien British? Somehow that just makes him more entertaining. I love and hate that kid at the same time.

Look at the shit eating grin on that C-lister. He knows the place is going to blow because of his gasoline blood, but he doesn't care, as long as he takes out three members of the Batfamily.

Damien is so different from Batman, but somehow it makes perfect sense that he would be the product of Batman and Talia. Neither are particularly nice people, so it makes sense that their kid is a demon. Mostly I just feel sorry for Dick. He has no real responsibility for Damien and yet in the aftermath of Bruce's death he inherits the little shit disturber.

Biopropellent

2011-01-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

I just love Cass and Steph. There are a bunch of female superheroes that I love, but the two Batgirls are rare in that they don't have to dress like skanks. I've stated a few times that Cass's costume is my favourite and while I'm not a huge fan of the Spoiler costume (I like Steph's Batgirl costume a lo

t more) I do have to appreciate that Steph's not all boobs and legs in it (plus I think she's about 16 here so...that would be creepy). Cass is definitely one of the most formidable superheroes in the DCU (I'm pretty sure she defeated Shiva which is...not that easy) and even Batman respects her. Steph is less so but she tries hard and genuinely works to become better. Why did these girls not have their own series together? Come on, DC.

I have almost no memory of this storyline. I think it was from Superman/Batman but I'm not even

really sure of that. If it was, it's from the post-Jeph Loeb era where nothing makes sense anymore. I just appreciate the stuttering robot calling the other robot an asshole.

This is from Cable and Deadpool. I read this last year and then again really recently. I had NO memory of Shatterstar's one panel appearance. I love him and his three ponytails. My only exposure to X-Force is from whenever they show up in Deadpool and when Boom Boom/Meltdown/Tabby was on Nextwave. I don't know what it is, but every time I see them I just get the feeling that they're X-Men rejects who want desperately to be taken seriously but they can't. I mean come on: Shatterstar has three ponytails and wears boxing headgear, Cannonball(s) wears aviator goggles, and Siryn has some kind of weird cape thingie attached to her wrists. I don't even know what Cannonball's power is. He says he's a "biopropellent" and it appears that fire comes out of his ass and makes him fly. What a great power.

Scariest Baby of Life

2010-12-10T10:31:00.000-08:00

So...is it my imagination, or was there a premature ejaculation joke in a comic

book aimed at preteens?

In the words of my brother: "Of COURSE Plas makes a costume joke!"

But seriously...Galactus=WORST OUTFIT EVER, y/y? I'm including Canary's John Byrne redesign in this contest. You know it's bad when PLASTIC MAN, who probably has one of the worst costumes of life, can make fun of you and no one bats an eye.

...let's just say there's a reason that Joe Quesada is not a full time artist.

Spider-Girl

2010-12-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Let's look at some Spider-Girl today.

You have to be really goddamn serious about your villainy to get a giant spider tattooed on your stomach and the word "REVENGE" tattooed across your chest. It's kind of funny now that Normie is friends with May. I bet every time he takes off his shirt, he's like, "Shit. Why the eff did I decide to do that? FUCK YOU, DAD."

I love Mayday to death, but this panel pisses me off. BOO HOO MAYDAY, TWO GUYS ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOUR LIFE SUCKS SO BAD.

"My uncle Ben died because I didn't act when I had the chance...also, am I hallucinating, or is there a giant ass goose over there?" What is this, Mark Trail?

It Sucks Being Sue Storm

2010-11-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the lag. Nanowrimo/school work has been kicking my ass. But I am back, albeit sporadically.

So J

aime gets into a fight with Guy Gardner. Guy and the Green Lanterns are heavy hitters and at this point, Jaime's not very experienced. As you can see from the "KRAKKA KRAKKA BOOM" he's giving Guy everything the scarab's got. Here's Guy's rejoinder:

Guy is ON FIRE and hitting Jaime with a pathetic "plink plinkida" and he is STILL awesome. I love that man.

I love this for several reasons. One, Ben is crying like a little girl. Two, I like Thor and Iron Man's little smiles. I bet they secretly LOVE weddings. Third, JOHNNY AND REED DON'T SEE THE NEED TO CHANGE OUT OF THEIR FF COSTUMES! Sue is all dolled up like the mid nineties bride she is, but Reed is all "fuck it, I don't feel like changing." I bet he was almost late because he was fighting Dr. Doom or something and didn't want to put on his tux. He's legit the worst husband ever.

Starfox: Sketchiest "good guy" in the Marvel universe

2010-11-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hahahahaha, oh, how I love journalistic jokes! Here's an example of how screwed up journalists are. This woman is from Y the Last Man. She finds Yorick and makes him strip naked and hold a copy of her paper so she can write an article about the last man on earth and has the picture for proof. 355 and Yorick go after her to get the photos. She threatens them with a gun and I'm 90% sure she gets thrown out a window AND SHE STILL DOESN'T GIVE UP. She's supposed to be seen as insane and selfish, but I was kind of rooting for her. She has the kind of journalistic balls I wish I had.

This is the look of a guy who knows he's about to get his ass beat by the strongest woman in the Marvel universe and there is nothing he can do about it.

I always squee when Darkdevil shows up, but I can't really explain why. He's just such a blatant and unrepentant dick that he veers into self-parody. I think he's hilarious. There is NOTHING nice about him and he's so smug and over the top.

Daredevil is also really boring

2010-10-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

Is it weird that I'm proud that in Y- The Last Man, the new leader of the Yakuza is a pop star from Saskatoon?

In all seriousness, Y-The Last Man is ridiculously good. It's about a plague that killed off all the males in the world except for one, and he teams up with a doctor and a secret agent to find a way to make clones to repopulate the planet. I powered through 60 issues in three days. I highly recommend it to everyone.

The only thing is, Brian K Vaughan ends every issue with either a huge revelation or a cliffhanger so you have to keep reading. At one point he started doing little 3 issue arcs, so I thought at least I could escape at the conclusion of a story arc. Turns out that no, I couldn't. Don't start reading the series unless you have about an hour to kill. Here's a text convo I had with my brother about it:

Me: The only bad thing is that Vaughan ends every issue on a cliffhanger. I want to eat but I...I can't.

Jonas: And you never will.

In Greek mythology, one of Hercules' tasks was to get the girdle of Hippolyta. I believe he seduced her to obtain it. This is why Wondy is calling Herc the despoiler of Hippolyta (who is also her mother.)

I like that they had this little interaction here, because it absolutely makes sense that Wonder Woman goes balls to the wall to take out Hercules. The Marvel Hercules is more portrayed as kind of a lovable buffoon and in flashbacks to his time with Hippolyta, he is portrayed as thinking of her fondly and not simply using her to get the girdle. The DC Hercules is a dickish rapist asshole that Wonder Woman hates. Poor Herc, getting punched in the face for something that the DC Hercules did.

"Thank God I threw the baby off the roof so that Natasha would be forced to take custody of it for its own safety!"

Since we're on the subject of Kevin Smith, I want to talk about his writing style. I've read three story arcs by him: Quiver (Green Arrow), Guardian Devil (Daredevil), and Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do. His stories have a tendency to start our pretty normal and then go OFF THE DAMN RAILS.

Quiver starts out as a mystery of sorts. Ollie comes back from the dead with the personality he had a decade ago and no one knows why. Then BAM there's all this stuff about fake gay Satanist rapists, demon pets, Hal having god-like powers, and a Heaven where all the heroes wear their costumes all the time. Guardian Devil was insane pretty much immediately, with a baby who might be either the Antichrist or Jesus but then gets MORE crazy when it's revealed that Mysterio orchestrated the whole lie about the Messiah/Antichrist solely to get Daredevil to go insane. The Evil That Men Do isn't so much insane as really uncomfortable. Spider-Man and Black Cat team up to find some heroin dealer and then it turns out that the dealer has the worst power of all time (he can teleport small amounts of liquid) and then there are back to back detailed rape narratives. I've also read a smaller story arc also featuring Green Arrow which wasn't insane but did feature a LOT of oral sex puns. At the very least, every story arc will have a "HOLY CRAP WHAT JUST HAPPENED" moment. Which I always enjoy.

Holy Frageroley

2010-10-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

Carnage is a seriously scary supervillain. It's not because he's particularly powerful (Dr. Doom, Apocalypse, and Magneto are all more powerful) but because he is purely psychotic. Ever

y villain has SOME form of honour and play by their own twisted set of rules. CARNAGE HAS NO RULES and this makes him terrifying.

He's even visually intimidating. He's similar to Venom, only Venom could pass as somewhat human if he never opened his mouth. Carnage is humanoid but if someone told you that there was a human in there somewhere (which there actually is, and he is also crazy) you wouldn't believe it.

As a side note, Carnage was created (and presumably designed) by Mark Bagley, only furthering my previous statement that while he can't draw people for crap, he is amazing at drawing people in costumes or non-humans.

I realize that Hulk's "thing" or whatever is his indestructible pants, but if you really think about it, this makes no sense. Those jeans were once whole. When Bruce Banner Hulked out, the pants couldn't take the strain. But they ripped at the thinnest part of the leg. Would they not riparound his waist at the very least? That waistband must be reinforced with titanium.

I read a Marvel/DC crossover where characters from each universe had to fight each other to save their respective universe. Among the combatants were Silver Surfer vs. Kyle Rayner (Surfer won) Robin vs. Jubilee (Robin won) and Aquaman vs. Namor (Aquaman won.) For the most part I agreed with the winners, except for the fight I was most excited about: Wolverine vs. Lobo.

We can all agree that Wolverine is pretty badass. Healing factor, adamantium claws, and bloodlust. Lobo is less well known, so here's a bit about him. He's an alien bounty hunter who destroyed everyone on his planet for fun. He also has a healing factor and can come back to life if even just a drop of his blood exists. He once killed a god AND a devil on an alien planet. He can breathe in outer space. Once he has a goal in mind, he won't stop until it's accomplished.

I thought the fight would be epic.

Here's how the actual fight went down. Wolverine went into Lobo's favourite bar to find him. They start the fight and Wolverine defeats him in three panels OFF PANEL and it seems like Lobo doesn't even fight back.

Wtf?

I guess I would be okay with it if Lobo lost, if the fight was awesome and if he wasn't defeated off panel! Wolverine's hardcore, but LOBO IS INSANE. Maybe Wolverine got the drop on him somehow, but if so, why didn't Lobo's healing factor kick into gear? Lobo single-handedly committed genocide and killed a god. Wolverine can't even defeat SABRETOOTH half the time. NOT TO MENTION that he got punched about a hundred feet by a ten year old girl in Runaways. (Granted, she has super strength, but she's no LOBO.)

Beware My EMBRACE OF TERROR

2010-10-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

I don't watch anime often (only Zatch Bell or Full Metal Alchemist when the mood strikes) but my FAVOURITE part is how the protagonists are always so moody and melodramatic. Which is why I'm in love with Jimmy Yama's anime face here. Anime always does that thing where they have half of someone's face in the side of the panel, looking all broody.

Nicola Scott is the PERFECT person to draw Secret Six because she draws the prettiest Catman I have ever seen in my life.

At one point Secret Six was drawn by someone else (can't remember, and too lazy to get my trades) and it just wasn't the same because Catman wasn't beautiful. Not even the women get to be as pretty. I was going to say that Nicola Scott is incapable of drawing ugliness (since she can make even Ragdoll look cute) and then I remembered her drawing of Junior which I'm not putting here because I don't want to scar you.

I'm kind of liking Kingpin. I was always kind of ambivalent about him firstly because I hadn't read much with him and partly because he was in the horrible Daredevil movie. Anyway, he was pretty awesome in this Spider-Man/Batman crossover I read. But what in the world would you call this attack? The Hug of Horror? Cuddles of Cruelty? What are you going to tell your buddies after surviving this attack? Sure, you're pretty badass for escaping the Kingpin, but you also have to be like, "Yeah, I got these broken ribs because he hugged me really hard."

Batroc ze Lepair!

2010-10-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

BATROC AND BATMAN! THEIR INTERACTION IS GLORIOUS!

I went on a Marvel/DC crossover reading binge. One of these days I have to post

who I would ship if they existed in the same universe all the time. Shulkie/Aquaman is but one of those ships.

I can't remember this plotline WHATSOEVER, but "Terry the robot" cracks me up EVERY time.

I love their formalwear here. VERY RARELY are women allowed to be non-slutty in comic books. Barda and Huntress both look so classy and pretty here. Nicola Scott should just draw everything, all the time.

Aquaman Gets No Love

2010-10-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

For the love of all that is holy, Kevin Smith, please stop with the oral sex jokes. I already had to suffer through "Maybe it's time to visit Sherwood" (which yes, it means exactly what you think it means) in probably the most uncomfortable story arc I've ever read. (Actually that honour might go to Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do...or Quiver...so basically anything Kevin Smith writes.)

Although honestly, I guess we already know that Ollie's a fan of the puns. So at least it's in character.

Look at that! I've always felt that Aquaman is undeserving of the scorn he usually gets. HE SUMMONED SOME KIND OF DRAGON BEAST THING FROM THE SAVAGE LAND! Who says he's useless?

Also, he defeated Namor by dropping a killer whale on his head

Speaking of Aquaman, I now ship these two.

It's an MC2 Kinda Day

2010-10-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been reading a lot of MC2 universe. It's an alternate universe in Marvel set 15 years in the future and mainly features second generation superheroes.

This gentleman's name is Freebooter or some such, but my mind knows him as Batroc because of his weird little French mustache. That's J2 in the back there, the son of the Juggernaut (bitch) and some kind of annoying Quicksilver clone.

Here's a conversation I had with my brother.

Me: I hate Franklin Richards.

Jonas: So does the rest of the world. It's okay.

Franklin hasn't really done anything to make me believe he's a huge tool...it's just his whole FRANKLIN RICHARDS persona. He has this mullet and he always looks really smug. And his superhero name is PSILORD. Like, please, Franklin, be a little more narcissistic. Supposedly he's a heartthrob in the MC2 universe and May AKA Spider-Girl has a crush on him. OBVIOUSLY THE BUZZ IS A BETTER CHOICE.

This is Rina AKA Wild Thing AKA the daughter of Wolverine and Elektra, which is SO RANDOM. Anyway, I love her character design. Her hair, which is definitely reminiscent of Wolverine's but still works for her is the best part. The resemblance to her father is subtle, but still there.

I also really love her costume. I mean, aesthetically, I think it's kind of ugly. As an amalgam of Wolverine's and Elektra's costumes though, I think it's really well done. The yellow bodysuit is very her but the yellow comes from Wolverine's costume. She also has those shoulder pads/epaulettes that Wolvie has. The two masks are also similar. However, the red ribbons come from her mom's costume. You can see where each individual piece comes from, but together they make a costume that's purely hers.

Aquaman is Badass

2010-10-06T16:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone always likes Ollie's boxing glove arrow, but I'm kind of in love with the bolas arr

ow. That takes real creativity. Or insanity. Whichever.

I'm not surprised this tool is leaning on her boob. What I am surprised is that they aren't attracting anything else in the room, as they're probably big enough to have their own gravitational field. She's got Betty level assets.

On another note, I enjoy Felicia and Spider-Man's interaction. My knowledge of their relationship is limited to a few issues of Ultimate Spider-Man and this mini series. They're like Marvel's Batman/Catwoman, except way more fun and less angsty. They banter well, they're actually friends, and they make a great team.

Here's my issue with Felicia though: why even bother wearing the mask? It doesn't hide her identity, and even if someone for some reason doesn't recognize her face, how many women in their mid-20s have long, flowing white hair?

Sad Krypto is sad:( I can't stress enough how much I love that all the Superpets have little red capes.

Prepare to dock with planet FRAG

2010-09-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that Mr. Terrific turned into a nice zombie, like the one in Day of the Dead. My sister called that day to tell me that she dreamed about Spider-Man and Batman. Sigh. I have B-list dreams.

A couple things amuse me in these panels. One, Tony's stupefaction in the face of his father's ranting. Two, Howard's crazy eyes. And three, the fact that he calls Iron Man "Mr. Man." This was my favourite issue of Marvel Adventures: Iron Man. Fred van Lente is a genius.

I love this panel. This is my favourite Lobo comic of all time. I think the best part is the Hitman's understatement. He's running away from a gigantic, murderous bounty hunter with a giant chain in his hand. "Oh jeez" is really not the best phrase to use. Another funny part in the comic which I don't think I saved, was when Tommy meets Lobo in a bar. His internal monologue is something like "In fact, having nothing better to do, I read the jerk's mind." Yeah, I do that too. "I'm bored, so I'm going to read random bar patrons' minds."

Initially I saved this because I just thought Tim and Steph were cute together. Then I was wondering why Steph was mad. I stared at this for SO LONG trying to figure it out.

I'm pretty sure they're talking about cosplay.

Bastich

2010-09-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

I saved this picture primarily because Gambit's armour is adorable. Well, everyone's is adorable, but I particularly like Gambit's, mostly because of his ins

ane hair. I also like the phrase "No, I used my English reading powers..." I'm still not totally sure who that is standing with Gambit and Cyclops. I'm thinking Rogue because she would likely be with Gambit and because of the white stripe on her head. I wish I knew definitively.

I'm not a huge fan of the Hulk. I think he's boring and all he does is go "GRR HULK SMASH" and hit things. Anything I've read with him in it doesn't bother to explore the Bruce Banner/Hulk dichotomy, they just have him and his indestructible pants wreak havoc. But what I've learned mostly from his appearance in Marvel Adventures: Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, he's very amusingly snarky. He comes off as hilariously misanthropic and as you can see here, a master of the understatement. I would read a comic solely based around Bruce, but not the Hulk.

This guy is tied with Condiment King as having my favourite power ever. His name is the Defenestrator and apparently his power is carrying around windows and smashing them over people's heads. There are so many questions: How did he come up with this gimmick? Where does he get the windows? How does he carry them? But it's Lobo, so I'll assume that the hows and whys are not important; you're just supposed to bask in the insanity.

OutRAGEOUS

2010-09-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Aquaman gets a pretty bad rap, which I don't think he really deserves. Granted, my experience with him comes solely from: Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Smallville, and Quiver (where the above image comes from) and he was pretty badass in 2/3 of those (I didn't really like him on Smallville, mostly because he dated Lois when she should have been dating Clark). Sure, he can't really do much on land, but HE'S RIDING A FRICKING WHALE. Plus he has like, a bionic arm or something because IT GOT CHEWED OFF BY A PIRANHA. If that's not badass, I don't know what is. Also, his hair is beautiful.

I love Cass and Batman's relationship. Out of the Batfamily, they're the most alike. We know from Batgirl that he looks on her like a daughter and he's the closest thing to a (somewhat sane, at least compared to David Cain) parental figure she's ever had. I get the feeling that she's his favourite of the Batfamily. I just found this picture really cute because they're both kind of lowering their defenses. Cass wants to help him (this is during the Bruce Wayne: Murderer storyline) and he is touched by that.

PS: I hate DC for that stupid storyline. The plot itself was fine, but it was spread out over a bunch of different titles. I read some in Batgirl and some in I believe Birds of Prey BUT I NEVER FIGURED OUT WHO WAS FRAMING HIM because I didn't have the other necessary titles.

This was the best issue ever of Luke Cage. Or of anything, really. Doom is charmed by Luke's audacity. And look here...HE IS ACTUALLY LAUGHING. And then he lets him escape from Latveria, because he likes him. It warms the heart. Those guys need to team up. Luke Cage is probably my second favourite Marvel title of all time. (First is Cable/Deadpool).

Sad Tony is sad

2010-09-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

Five below? I guess that's Fahrenheit, which is like -20 C but seriously. Cry me a river Claire. Complain when your friend wants to go outside and dig up a vodka bottle you buried a year ago and it's about -50 and frost is growing on your face and you get frostbite.

Or...you could COVER UP YOUR CHEST. Just a thought.

My mom's proud when I like, bake cookies. And you can't be proud of your preteen son for BUILDING A ROBOT? No wonder Tony's such an asshole, with a dad like that.

Every notice how you can see Peej's boobs all the time, even if she's facing away?

2010-09-14T10:39:00.001-07:00

Peej. Seriously. I swear to you this wouldn't be a problem IF YOU COVERED YOUR BOOBS. So far I count ONE TIME when you have appeared with your boobs covered, in your nice sweater/boot outfit combo. I don't think you get to complain about guys staring at your chest WHEN YOUR OUTFIT LOOKS LIKE THAT.

Also, I didn't mind so much because Amanda Conner's art makes me mellow and happy, but this is supposed to be a JSA comic. Why is it "Power Girl With Scant Appearances by the Rest of the the JSA"? I WANT MY JAY GARRICK, DAMMIT.

Holy crapola guys, HOW CREEPY would that be if you were faced with THAT, post-coitus? Poor Catman. Everyone just wants him for his body, never for his mind.

Ollie is so delusional. I've read the comic where he finds out Roy gets addicted to heroin, and here's what happened. Ollie finds out, gets enraged, and THROWS THE KID OUT ON THE STREET. Roy, drug addled and depressed, goes to Hal for help. Hal, being really unawesome (he's my least favourite GL for a reason), dumps Roy at Canary's place, and she helps him detox. Every time Ollie addresses that situation, he lightens it up considerably. OLLIE, YOU DID NOTHING. YOU DUMPED YOUR PSEUDO SON IN THE STREET. Weirdly, Roy gives Hal credit for helping him through, when he did nothing but pawn him off on Canary. I don't know if writers just forget this or are attempting to retcon it.

2010-09-09T11:39:00.000-07:00

This is a legitimately cute outfit for Karen, and look at that, IT COVERS HER BOOBS

. I love her boots.

On the one hand, I love dogs and this makes me sad. But on the other THERE IS A GUY WHOSE SOLE POWER IS WELDING DOGS TO PEOPLE. "Who the hell welded this fraggin' dog to my butt?" will never not be hil

arious.

Nick Fury always looks awesome. Doesn't matter who's drawing him.

Awesome armour is awesome

2010-09-07T07:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not a huge fan of Tony but LOOK AT THAT. He gets plopped down in a pacifist, non-

technological village with like, a broken leg and shit, and he makes steam powered armour to fight an assassin. He may be an asshole, but you can't deny he has style.

This is simultaneously creepy and adorable.

Wow Ted. That is...some outfit. Like someone on Scans Daily said "Those outfits undoubtedly cost a lot of money, which means that Ted thinks he's oh so fashionable." He needs some fashion advice from someone. Maybe Batman.

Luke Cage is the Man

2010-08-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

Somehow I don't think that's the way that sentence was going to end.

"Don't know what you were aimin' for, but..."

"Yeah man. I can feel it too. It works!"

"No, no, I was gonna say..."

"That I look AWESOME?"

"No, more along the lines of..."

"Luke Cage is the man?"

*Sigh* "Never mind."

I love how when faced with looking at Jason Blood's junk, Arsenal looks away in embarrassment, Canary looks like she's trying to let him maintain his decency and look away but is actually not so secretly looking, and Batman faces him down bravely, afraid of nothing.

I LOVE the B.A.D. girls. I wikied them, and they've only appeared a handful of other times, with the exception of Rachel (Diamondback) who pops up every so often in other stuff. I love how they can be so professional and "grr SRS BSNS" but at other times they say things like "poop." They need their own series ASAP.